not to be confused with bob saggot (urgent_stare) wrote,
not to be confused with bob saggot

they are so plastique

i am so tired of their honesty, your
big pink heart in their sand dollar hands

it just bloodies me
is there a reason for this
i have wondered

of you
grittily, tepidly soaking
the scars on your stomach
a warm bath, the sponge-tip of your
laughter, oh i have thought

of you covering your mouth
opening & closing the sky

i imagine you at seven
blowing spit bubbles.
as i tap my fingers to your heart beats.

i have been determined, deterred
reconciled diminished
defiled, objective subjective
covered in disbelief, i have
searched and searched your marrow

sucked and swished it
against my teeth, gargled it
touched it to my uvula
doused it in flame, scorched it, saved the ash
and never scattered it,
scrunched it like an accordion
into my pockets

walked the wobbly edges of Capri
coddled distance
holding its hand in mine

i have sung to you in closets: i have been
a nightingale, maybe all along

flicking against steel strings, tightening
and loosening my body
to accommodate you

i have told you stories
& stayed silent for the war of it,
tugged the sleeves of your silo
stubbed my toes on memories
of you.

hung myself from the gallows
of June, found you in languages i never
knew existed

and needed you, abruptly harshly
and truly

loved you undaunted
in full circles
walked around myself
over and over the lines
while you stood in the center
and held out your arms

i divided and multiplied you
in one movement brushed you to the side
and pulled you to me: i have
feigned magnetic, held you
in the flesh, then in dreams
like iron
in a pool under my tongue
tasted and smelled you for days

scraped the tears from your face like
clay from a sculpture, with love.
forever building.

walked into your valleys and never
walked out

oh how you shifted
from one thought to the other
told me of your father's diagrams
the buildings in which you photographed

ivory and covered in sleep the ways
you have hurdled
counted sheep and waited
for the rain, taken me
to the front of myself, learned me
without question
traced the axis's of my body

climbing my barricades and i
in the dark
clumsily navigating
your map


i have been devoured and devious
i have been past the core

i have been the only one left
i have been the only one
i have lived with you, lost my footing
and loved with you

found and kept and shouldered
you like a tangent,
gone quietly

and unquietly
into Autumn
with you

i have been discovered wandering
the avenues west of center
younger than i've ever been i have
added you to my body
added you to paper,
remembered you
in songs & letters
even though you slept
next to me

i have
been both first and last
like bookends i have kept you
on the shelf, raided you and braided you
like hair i have found you silver
cut down to the skin

scrupulously untied you
strung you around my neck derailed
you i have learned

now: i love
without rest
without shade like new
i love! equally and unequally
down so many paths
to the same place

i have simply come
naked as night, to tell you the story:
you may already know it
but i keep writing it

like there is nothing else in the world to write.
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